“‘Lord, if it’s you,’ Peter replied, ‘tell me to come to you on the water.’ ‘Come,’ he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?'”
Well, our foster training is done. We’ve taken a course in CPR, a water safety class, been fingerprinted, completed two home studies and filled out a small mountain of paperwork.
Now, we wait.
I’ve spent most of the morning in the nursery, unpacking various baby donations from friends and family. The drawers in the dresser are filling up with little plaid shorts and superhero pajamas. Our kitchen cabinets are suddenly filled with bottles and sippy cups, and a car seat is waiting by the door to be installed in our minivan.
With my pregnancies, I had nine months to prepare. Not so this time. This time, I have only been “expecting” for about 10 weeks.
If this were a typical pregnancy, I’d still be fending off the morning sickness, but instead, we’re waiting for the water to break.
That’s what waiting for your first placement call feels like.
It’s strange that at any moment the phone could ring and our lives be forever changed. It’s exciting. It’s scary. It’s surreal. The entire experience has had me drawing on God and the story that keeps coming back to me in different ways is when Peter walked on the water.
I’ve wondered how Peter must have felt when he put his first toe on the lake, with waves crashing around him. He believed in Jesus’ power to sustain him, or he never would have asked to get out of the boat in the first place, but in spite of that faith, he still faltered when he allowed himself to look at his circumstances rather than Jesus, and that’s what has comforted me most when the feelings of doubt creep in. I shift my focus.
Instead of looking around at the “waves,” and imagining managing the needs of four children on two hours of sleep, or looking back at the “boat,” and thinking how comfortable my little family looks just as it is, I have to look at Christ, and remember that this is about Him.
It is there that the waves cease and the storm is calm.