Blessing #5: Autism Taught Me to Savor Today

“He satisfies the longing soul … with good things.” – Psalm 107:9

I love country music. I love how each song tells a story, or expresses something common to the human experience. One of my favorites is “You’re Gonna Miss This.” It’s about savoring life and being satisfied in the present, rather than always striving for the next thing that we think will make us happier or more comfortable.

This song would often play on the radio as I drove my then 18-month old baby boy around, peeking every so often in my rear-view mirror to see Luke’s sleeping face. I was so worried that something was wrong with him but I didn’t know what. I thought that even knowing the worst would be better than not knowing at all, and I thought, “There is no way I’m going to miss this.”

But I do.

I miss spending all day, every day with my little boy, taking him to the park and pushing him in the stroller at the mall,and I miss how he looked sleeping in my rear-view mirror with his chubby baby cheeks and wispy blond hair. Nowadays, therapy takes up most of his time. I love having my daughter with me, but I miss having Luke as my sidekick; and while I’m thankful that we now know that Luke has autism and can get him the help he needs, I miss having the hope that he had no developmental issue at all, and that at any moment of any day, he might start speaking.

I also know that one day I will miss today.

I will miss my babies climbing into bed with me in the morning and snuggling under the covers with their sippy cups to watch Sesame Street. I will miss the sound of laughter ringing through the hallways as they chase each other around the house. I’ll long for the days that I couldn’t watch an entire television show without being interrupted to take someone to the potty or to get someone some juice. I’ll yearn for the days that it was impossible to get through a single meal without being hit up for bites of my sandwich or sips of my iced tea. I’ll miss finding toy cars hidden in my sneakers and miniature animals in my cabinets, and I’ll marvel that for a short while, I was blessed to be the most important person in their world.

So whatever challenges I face today, I’m gonna miss this.